Ginny’s birthday was Monday so I invited them for lasagna and cake Saturday night in honor of the birthday girl. As is always the case, whenever Ginny & David and I get together, we have a good time. This evening was no exception, though the evening’s discussions seemed to return a few times to a particular theme.
Maybe I noticed it more because I’m wrestling with a few things right now.
At one point during dinner, I made a comment about how my photographic output is disproportionate to the amount of gear I have. Put another way: I’ve got way too much gear to be producing as little as I do. That’s been bothering me a lot lately in a roundabout way. My answer to the rhetorical pronouncement: I’m buying more gear.
I’ve been thinking about a new camera body for at least the last six months or so. It was hard to justify the extra cost in the lead up to the wedding after I bought my last lens, but after the wedding I realized I really should have just taken the leap. My 10D is a solid camera, but it’s old and its limitations are becoming more and more evident every time I use it. I survived the wedding with it, no doubt, but it would have been nice to have had a rig that could keep up the pace. I bought the 10D five years ago just before Hurricane Isabel huffed and puffed her way through the region. In tech years, it’s ancient. I’d given serious consideration to the forthcoming 5D Mark II, but the price tag is a bit severe even for me (though when you consider what it gets you…). So, I’ve settled on the 50D, yet settled is hardly even the right word.
It’ll be here tomorrow, by the way.
I haven’t been a regular shooter for quite awhile. For the last couple of years, all of my artistic pursuits, least of all photography, have existed mostly in fits and starts without any real consistency. So how do I justify another camera? A benefit of not having anyone to answer to but one’s own self is that I don’t really have to justify myself to anyone else. But, since I’m alluding to issues of self discovery and personal growth here–regardless of how tangentially–stick with me a moment or two.
Saturday evening’s dinner conversation crystallized a few things for me:
1) Maybe it’s my age and/or some age-related milestone freak-out rearing its head, but I’m freely admitting that I’m a classic underachiever. I know it. I’m about to turn 35, and I have very little in my life that I’m especially proud of or can point to as an accomplishment. Sure, I have a good job where I’m genuinely valued by the people I work with and I make decent money, but there’s something missing and it’s more than just a wife and/or kids.
2) I’m good at a lot of things, but I’m not really great at anything in particular. I’m the proverbial Jack of All Trades, Master of None. That’s okay at work (actually, at work my broad skill set is a huge asset), but in my personal life I want to grab hold of something and become great at it.
3) When I look around me, I see things I could be great at if I only committed myself. Whether I should or shouldn’t compare my skills to Dawn’s, is beside the point. She’s a much better photographer than I am because she puts in the work. Disregarding the f’d up politics and whatever else was wrong with kiting, I could have been a great kitebuilder… but I didn’t put in the work.
It all comes down to doing or not doing. Sometimes the best course of action is to do nothing… this isn’t one of those times. So I’ve bought a new camera. I’m rededicating myself to photography and I’m going to put in the work.
Chances are good I’ll revamp BHN in the process. I’m not sure to what extent (I may even shutter it for a time), but part of refocusing for me comes down to reducing the number of things that command my attention. Even if I haven’t been posting here, there has been occasional guilt over the scarcity of anything new. I’ve secured a new domain (brucehartmanphotography.com) and will probably begin a photography-centric blog there. I’ll be giving myself assignments over the coming months, and I think others might find the exercises useful. Even if I’m wrong, I know it’ll be helpful to me to document things.
So, there you go…